We shouldn't be shaming women for being single and pregnant

It's Nigeria, in the year 2018. Over the last few years, thanks to increased exposure and important conversations, we have begun to finally address a number of sexist beliefs and attitudes that have become regressive, to say the least. Yet, as evidenced by the recent announcement of Linda Ikeji's pregnancy and the reactions that followed, there are those who still shame single women for getting pregnant.

Earlier in the week, Laura Ikeji, writer and fashionista, announced via social media that her media entrepreneur sister, Linda Ikeji was pregnant. In an Instagram post dated Sunday, May 20, 2018, the younger Ikeji wrote, "See who's gonna be a mummy. Congrats Lin @officiallindaikeji".

The caption followed a photo of the blogger sporting a pronounced baby bump. It was there for all to see, and judging by the comments that followed across social media, many shared Laura's joy at the news. 

For some though, like the infamous Kemi Olunloyo, it was not something to be happy about. While messages of goodwill and congratulations trooped in, Miss Olunloyo berated Linda Ikeji for getting pregnant while single.

She claimed that Linda was a hypocrite, having supposedly preached celibacy and hard work to young girls in the past, only to announce her pregnancy at the age of 36.

Soon enough, people with similar opinions echoed Miss Olunloyo's sentiments across social media.

While her fans counted the days to another milestone on Linda Ikeji's success story, in other circles, the theme was pregnancy shaming.

Over the world, pregnant women are shamed for the weight gain that comes with pregnancy, for their eating habits, their dressing and just about anything they do. Linda's case is different because she was being shamed for just being pregnant.

Most of the trolling revolved around a particular theme; Linda's single Status.

A guide to minding your own business

While amassing wealth, building one of the country's biggest blogs and breaking the ceiling for young women and girls around the continent, Linda has chosen to remain single. For most, this is a hard concept to digest.

Traditionally, many Nigerians hold the view that marriage is what makes a girl into a woman. Women are expected to aspire to get married; a milestone that endorses the next step; childbearing.

When women do not follow this unspoken rule and they have children outside of wedlock, society berates and looks down on them.

They are treated with disdain for being of easy virtue and giving in to their desires.

For Linda, a woman who has taken pride in her independence and preached celibacy before marriage, her defiance is an affront to many people who believe that getting pregnant while single erodes societal values.

The blogger has since defended herself. In a series of now-deleted tweets, she wrote "I turned 36 and I knew there was nothing else I wanted more than to be a mum & wife and celibacy wasn't going to get me that! I even did a video talking about how much I wanted these two things and God has finally answered my prayers. Beyond blessed,"

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"I preached celibacy to young girls because I feel that's the right way to live until you meet someone very special that you love & who loves you and wants to be in a committed relationship with you. Passing body around and having multiple partners is not the way and I stand by it," she concluded.

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To be honest, Linda shouldn't have had to explain much.

Shaming a woman for carrying a baby while single only reflects our inability as individuals and a society to look beyond our personal and collective views and accomodate people who do not share these same values with us.

When its all said and done, the subject of having children outside wedlock is seen through a moral lens. While this is healthy for those who see it this way, it is senile to expect others to see and do things the same way.

Live and Let Live

For some, getting married before having children is common sense. For others, there are no rules.

For all we know, Linda Ikeji does not see the need to pattern her life to suit conventional traditions and ideas that do not fit this present time.

In the year of our Lord 2018, a strong feminist rhetoric is raising valuable conversations and making a strong case for female independence.

Women are working into stronger positions with the understanding that can enjoy equal opportunities, make a name for themselves, reach the pinnacle of achievement in their personal life and career and get married without having to find a man to validate all of this.

In Nigeria, where female billionaires can only blame God when asked for the source of their wealth, Linda Ikeji is a living example of a woman living life to the fullest on her own terms.

It's okay to not see things her way, but the least anyone can do is to live and let live. Shaming Linda for being pregnant while single is just desperate.